Yes, today I feel like I am carrying my heart on my shoulders….my broken heart. These are hard days because I am a positive person and I am a people pleaser…and I want to be a God-pleaser. So, I am also carrying a big invisible box of GUILT!! But some days, you just can’t hide it!!
I feel like I work really hard not carrying my burdens around on my shoulders. I try not to talk about my heavy feelings TOO much but if someone asks (they rarely do), I am more than happy to pour it out and share. And that feels good. My normal outlet is to talk to Steve and to (sometimes) rail at the Lord…then apologize!! lol. But He can take it and He knows my heart anyway. And it usually ends with my acceptance.
Okay….here is my heavy heart today…might as well spell it out! Steve and I, who rarely get an evening out, much less a whole three days and two nights, had a trip all summer planned to go to Ocracoke Island. It’s only accessible by ferry and we had a beautiful room with a gorgeous view. I LOVE the ocean and rarely go because Korie can’t participate and I feel bad for her. So, I was going to get sun, rest and relaxation and spend time with Steve!
Yeah, someone putting in a new bridge, destroyed power lines to Hatteras and Ocracoke! The poor owners…they have lost so much money this past week…right in the middle of peak season. I feel worse for them than myself.
But face it…disappointment is painful. I have dealt with it before…living far from family, having a child with a disability (BIG ONE), disappointments with friends, job decisions, death of my parents, dealing within our budget when we have many needs and…yes, I admit…WANTS! Disappointment! We all have to deal with it. Because we live here on this sinful earth!
I know a lot of my disappointments go side by side with my expectations…my team not performing well, tiring holidays when it was suppose to be perfect, news from the doctor that you weren’t expecting, we could go on and on. I need to set my expectations on what God has for me and not want I was hoping for or dreaming of….not easy….but necessary to be content.
Some disappointments come with putting trust and our faith in our friends or loved ones. That is not a bad thing really, but people can disappoint. Emergencies happens, their priorities are different, or they let us down. Realizing that not everything is about me or putting others first, helps when outcomes are different than what was expected.
I must be careful on how I deal with disappointment. If I don’t deal with it correctly, it can turn to depression, anger, or selfishness, to name a few.
Jesus is my encourager! He came to lift me up! But He can only do that if I allow it. I can’t stay wallowing in my despair or hurt.
“Let not your heart be troubled…”
“Take courage”, Jesus told the paralytic.
Romans 15:5-6 says God is our Encourager.
“Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength”
Did I need time away with my husband and have I always wanted to go to Ocracoke? Yes.
Is it the end of the world? No
Is my family healthy right now? Yes
Am I overly abundantly blessed with family and friends? Yes
I need to adjust my thinking today. I need to lift up my head and look unto Jesus! How about you?